New Year, Continuous Journey

In 2015, life got busy. I took on a new job, planned a wedding and got married – maybe my busiest year yet. Suddenly it was January of a new year. I wanted to give myself the month of January to come back to HSL with a renewed perspective. I began by reading my post from Dec. 2014 when I completed my first goal setting session. I did the same exercise and added an honest reflection of my life since I began blogging.

Her Savory Life began with one objective – to teach myself and others how to define life success in new terms. Looking back, I can see how my philosophy on building a happy life has evolved through my own teachings and experiences.

A chapter-by-chapter review:

Early 2014: After the “Greece epiphany,” the first 6 months of HSL were focused on living in the moment – enjoying lots of food, culture, family and all that Philly had to offer.

Late 2014: That summer I left a job that had unilaterally defined and driven my obsession with corporate success. I walked away from a stellar reputation at a reputable company – one that could have carried me through a 30-year career. And for that reason it was the riskiest, most pivotal learning opportunity of my life. I went to an ad agency – thinking it was the catalyst I needed to get away from the corporate ladder and dive into my creativity. It turned out that the agency environment wasn’t any closer to helping me live meaningfully. Another risk, another reward. It was during this period that I turned the focus of HSL toward actionable and tangible methods of living happily. I began meditating, practicing gratitude and studying philosophy. I gained more clarity about who I am and what I DIDN’T WANT. Thus my journey pivoted once more.

Early 2015: I had just taught my first “Happiness Workshop,” and was gaining momentum, but realized this passion of helping people live happily is truly a long game. I needed more time to learn and test happiness theories while I continued working in communications. In the short time that I left the big corporate job, I had learned so much more about myself that I was able to target the right environment for my day job and define my own success metrics on a holistic level. I now work for a CIO – I write all of his communications and drive his engagement strategy. And while I chose to work for an executive again, I found one who understands that there is more to life than what you see on the outside. The first thing he asked me in my interview was, “what gives you meaning and what is your life’s purpose?” I knew this was a step in the right direction...

Late 2015: Wedding planning was in full swing and when I wasn’t at the day job, I was planning. Geoff and I learned that we are very resolute about who we are and what we want, even when it goes against the grain. 

Early 2016: Today I’m picking up where I left off…and taking all of these lessons with me.

My Top 5 Lessons for 2016:

1. It is OK to not to be able to do it all. It took one year to finally realize that I shouldn't apologize for needing down time. We all do – and it became a matter of letting myself focus on the things that were crucial and letting go instead of being hard on myself for not doing everything.

2. This journey is a marathon, not a sprint. This sounds so cliché and I cringed when I typed it but it is so true. It also directly compliments #1. As long as you aren’t stagnant and open to learning from everything that you are doing, you are making progress.  

3. Surround yourself with positivity. You won’t always be able to control people in life who are toxic, have major egos or don’t agree with how you do things. But you can control who impacts you. This is one of the hardest to do but so worth it when it clicks.

4. Love is my faith. The process of wedding planning was a mirror to who we are as a unit and why we understand each other. There were a lot of resources and templates available but we chose our own path. While writing my wedding ceremony, I was reminded that love is and has always been my guiding light and I am proud of my unwavering stance on love as my religion.

5. Everything is about getting outside of your comfort zone. Again, cliché statement, powerful result. Ever since I started HSL I have been out of my comfort zone and don’t see myself getting back into one anytime soon…

For the Negative Nancy's in All of Us

This week, I was reminded of an important lesson – one that we often take for granted.

I talk about finding fulfillment by living in the moment – being aware of life moving around you, accepting others, embracing your authentic self and practicing gratitude. But despite our most genuine intentions, there is something that happens to all of us every so often. It is this feeling of dissatisfaction with what we have or why we find ourselves in certain circumstances. Sometimes we manifest that disappointment as we nit pick the people closest to us – or ourselves. Human nature leads us to desire what we don’t or can’t have.

It is while we are left in solitude and allowed to be alone with our thoughts, though, that our minds automatically reframe our perspective on what previously seemed so unfortunate and heavy. It is almost as if we become stripped-down versions of ourselves while we sit in silence and reflect. We're suddenly able to think clearly without noise or distraction. The whole experience is kind of like a mental reboot process.

So what happens when you are never alone with your thoughts? You wake up after a week’s routine of work, eat, sleep and realize you were living in an pretty harried state for 5 days. You might feel like you are only now able to consciously evaluate what has happened over the week.

Without time to be alone with our thoughts, it can be easy to get caught up in negativity or complaint. It takes willpower to push beyond that human state of desire to experience an emergence out of that negativity. That willpower takes practice. So try this: practice sitting in solitude, meditating, saying or writing about the things you are grateful for, and incorporating mindfulness into your routine. If we all got into these habits, maybe we would realize we are exactly where we are supposed to be in our lives. Maybe we would all feel content and at peace with what we have and who we are. Maybe we would stop nit picking. And maybe in the future we'll be able to recognize the dissatisfaction as it is happening and course correct on the spot.

Ashley Fern of Elite Daily makes great points in this article about reframing our thoughts on what we have and what we don’t have. She summarizes it all in one word – appreciation.

Appreciate. It is a simple concept but one we must forcibly remind ourselves of. Think about it. How do you keep your life in perspective?

Picture Your Future, Literally..

This week, find out how you can manifest your best self through the creation of a vision board. I've written a piece for Femme and Fortune about how the process of creating a collage can be a healthy and stimulating exercise to build and evolve your future. 

Happy visioning!

Life Begins at the End of Your Comfort Zone

HSL is all about embracing a uniquely personal journey to find your true self and a meaningful perspective on life. In January, I talked about friend and fellow Philly blogger, Jessica Lawlor after participating in her "Get Gutsy" contest. A month later, we're trading places and she's in the hot seat. I'm asking her about the first time she realized she needed to look at life through a different lens, and what happened when she came out the other side.

Turns out, the simple step of getting outside of her comfort zone led to the meaningful life she was looking for.  

HSL: Tell me a little bit about your background and when you began to focus on your life’s journey in a serious way.

JL: I’ve always been a writer and have been blogging on and off under various blog names since 2008. However, it was just two years ago that I decided to make a drastic change in my life...and began documenting the journey on my Get Gutsy blog.

A couple of years ago, I was a completely different person. I was 30 lbs heavier, confused about the future, unclear about my goals...and in general, in the midst of a mini quarter-life-crisis. On the outside, everything looked fine...but it didn’t feel good on the inside. I knew something needed to change, but I wasn’t sure what. I stumbled upon the quote, “life begins at the end of your comfort zone” one day on Pinterest and immediately, it resonated with me. I began to use this quote to guide my decisions and thinking.

That’s when I decided to launch the Get Gutsy blog. It’s been a whirlwind since then. Over the past two years, the blog has led to launching the Get Gutsy Essay Contest/Week, Interview Series and an ebook. Now I'm launching 30 Days of Gutsy, a new course that begins on March 1. Register by 2/28 if you're ready to get gutsy and reach your goals.

HSL: How did you develop your plan for Get Gutsy and what was the tipping point that made you say, “I have to do this, it will enhance my life.”

JL: As I mentioned, I had been blogging under various other names for years, the most recent being a book review/writing blog. I lost interest in that specific niche and took a break from blogging for a few months. During that time, I did a lot of soul searching. That was when I discovered the quote on Pinterest and realized I wanted to change my own life, and in the process, inspire others to change theirs.

I knew the best way to do that would be through writing. I didn’t know exactly what I was going to blog about, but decided to keep the topic general enough that many topics could fit under one blog umbrella.

That’s why I went with the theme of getting gutsy- you can get gutsy in so many different ways whether it’s something as crazy as jumping out of an airplane or something as simple as trying a new fitness class. I knew that pretty much everything I’d want to write about would fit neatly under this general theme of stepping outside your comfort zone.

What surprised me most in all of this was that the blog quickly became less about my personal story and more about the stories of those who read Get Gutsy. The blog has truly become a passionate community of go-getters who help one another reach their goals. I started this thing thinking it would help me (and it has) but it has become so much bigger than that and helps and encourages so many others. In turn, they help me too! I’m incredibly grateful for the Get Gutsy community.

HSL: How do you live your mantra of getting out of your comfort zone in your daily life?

JL: Stepping outside your comfort zone can truly be anything. It can be setting your alarm 15 minutes earlier each morning to pursue a side business. It could be meeting a Twitter friend in person for dinner for the first time. It could even be standing up for yourself at work. I do these small things all the time- I like to say anytime I have butterflies in my stomach, I’m likely doing something that gets me out of my comfort zone.

HSL: To say you’re a busy person is an understatement. What are the major challenges that get in the way of your day-to-day happiness and how do you deal with them?

JL: Honestly, one of my major challenges is fitting in everything that I want to do...while staying sane! I consistently overschedule myself because I want to do everything! I have trouble saying no to fun social plans or opportunities for networking. While I love going to events and hanging out with friends, I find myself getting stressed and overwhelmed when I have a packed calendar and little time to work toward my goals.

HSL: What suggestions do you have for people who are trying to find their mission or refine their life’s journey?

JL: Get started now. So many people never make a change or even attempt to reach their goals because they are terrified or don’t know the “right” thing to do next. To be honest? There’s no such thing as a right or wrong way to find your mission or change your story. I encourage people to just take one small step in the right direction. Maybe that step is writing down one big, scary goal they have. Maybe it’s sharing that goal with a friend who can provide accountability and support.

I’d also encourage those looking to make a change to find a blog, newsletter, course or community that might be able to help them throughout the journey. Support is key here and can make all the difference, especially when making a big life change. But seriously, just get started now. Otherwise, you’ll look back and wish you had done it sooner.

So - Jess took control of her future. What are some of the things you have you done to find meaning in your life?

Six Ways to Love

Through my self-discovery, I’ve identified one of the most cherished parts of my being – and it is love. It is important to me on so many levels. Love in friendship, partnership, support, happiness and self worth.

I’ve realized that it was the Greeks who first defined love, and bucketed that love into many different domains based on the needs of humans.

Philia: the kind of love that you have for friends.

Eros: sexual and erotic desire and love.

Agape: unconditional or divine love.

Ludus: playful love, as between children.

Pragma: long standing love as in the love of a married couple.

Philautia: the love of yourself.

While Greeks recognized all of these ways to love, today we focus so much on only one type. The overly commercialized Valentine’s Day makes us think we need one significant person and if there is no person, we might as well give up now and fill that void with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s or a bottle of wine. If you have the person, the pressure is on for them to fill your every loving need.

Modern love has become watered down in the 21st century and has morphed into a one-dimensional fantasy. The soul mate process is now a business. The profitable online “dating” method omits the practicality of two people getting to know each other in a respectful and natural way. Instead people scroll through a catalogue of physical characteristics and soul mate-worthy qualities to conveniently and superficially identify the one. What this accentuates is a singular definition of love based on a perfect role we want another person to fill.  

While the idea of a perfect romance is not new, or hardly the fault of modern technology, methodologies like e-harmony have definitely contributed to our monolithic views on how love should fulfill us. If we step back from the obsession with not being alone, we realize that love can be achieved and found in all areas of life. This Valentine’s Day, chart out all the areas of your life where you have any of the six types of love, and ask yourself – “how can I continue to bring love to myself and others?” The more you broaden your idea of how love should be defined in your life, the more fulfilled you will be.

The entire month of February either via social media or through my actions, I am celebrating the six categories of love for my #28daysoflove challenge. Follow me on social to participate or conduct your own love challenge!