An HSL End-of-Year Emotional Wellness Tip on Femme & Fortune

My feature on Femme & Fortune - check it out!

What goes hand in hand with goal planning? A healthy dose of positivity! Following Wednesday’s post on goal setting, I’ve extended that conversation as I discuss reframing the failures or mistakes we experienced in 2014. This week I’m talking about this topic on Philly’s online magazine for ambitious women, Femme & Fortune.

I decided to write this post for Femme & Fortune a week before the holidays because I know a lot of us are hard on ourselves, especially during this time of year while we reflect. You might feel frustrated with a mistake you made or risk that didn’t pay off. But despite how society makes you feel about those little trips and falls, you have to remember that its up to you to turn it around. Because you are actually the one in control. Use the start of the new year to build upon those lessons and turn them into successes. 

Find Peace of Mind in Goal Setting

At the end of each year, most of us do a bit of reflecting. Not by accident, but because the closing of one year and opening of the next marks a natural transition in our lives. I am a fan of goal setting as a way to turn those conceptual reflections into tangible accomplishments and actions on paper. I swear I’m not using this post as a way to plug my obsessive list making skills. No matter where you are in your personal and professional lives, this process will be helpful for your clarity and self-confidence. It also forces you to separate the relevant from the irrelevant and helps you set some distinct bars for yourself to reach. I truly believe in this process as as a healthy end-of-year mental cleanse.

Last night, my friend and leader of the Levo League Philly chapter, Whitley Harris, led a workshop on her method to goal planning. It is a timely and quick way to organize and prepare yourself for the new year. While there are longer and more in depth planning methods available, I highly suggest going through this very manageable process before January. It takes less than two hours and it won't overwhelm you.

2014

The reflective portion of the exercise focuses on your year in review. It starts with identifying and recording your top moments/experiences/lessons in a lists of threes. You’ll find that the process of writing down honest answers is incredibly powerful. Remember, you are proud of your authentic self – there is no need to embellish or fib about your answers. Take some time to think about your most impactful moments – positive or negative.

•    Your top three successes and challenges

•    The top three moments where you were kind to yourself

•    The top three things you learned about yourself

•    The top three things you let go of

•    The top three words you’d use to summarize 2014

2015

The meaty planning portion of the exercise is about identifying what is most important to you and then narrowing that list down to create attainable, actionable goals.

•    First, list all of the values that are important in your life. For example: authenticity, growth, health, improvement, independence, happiness, inspiration, family, love, relationships, etc.

•    Then, narrow that list down to your top five values that will serve as the driver behind all of your actions in 2015.

•    Next, create a list of the major categories in your life. Family, career, hobbies, self improvement, relationships, giving back, etc.

•    Once that list is developed, space the categories out so you have room underneath each header to define your goals. Start with one bucket. Create one long term goal (major life goal), and follow it with several shorter, more actionable steps that you can use as milestone markers toward that goal (think three-month, six-month, nine-month, etc.)

•    Rinse and repeat. Do the same thing for each major category on your list, keeping in mind your prioritized values within each.

The establishment of your goals will serve as your guide for 2015. You can transfer your lists to a one page document that you can leave on your refrigerator or take with you to work everyday. Each month, you can measure yourself against your goals to track progress. If you are one who can’t function without your mobile, and prefer to use an app to plan, this list of apps is available for download to assist you in your goal planning.

Happy reflecting!

No caption needed

The New Success: Part I

A couple of months ago, I started living my own experiment. It is an experiment of thought and action – one that involves big questions – philosophical in nature and raw in reality. One of these questions challenges how we’re wired to think about success. For years, I listened to how other people defined success through monetary and prestige-based terms. Why wouldn't I? Its what we’re taught throughout our education, how we’re measured by the capitalist system, and how we’re influenced through mainstream pop culture. We all need money and I’m not arguing that fact. But this experiment is about creating a new view of success in deeper, more fulfilling terms. In my analysis, I’m weaving together threads of meaningful conversations with everyday people, historical research, non-fiction writing and philosophy.

This week I attended an event hosted by City Fit Girls, where a panel of three female entrepreneurs talked about establishing and growing their own businesses. After listening to their stories, I extracted a few attributes that might not be the first things you’d read in a “how to” book.

1. Be personal. A primary lesson I learned in big business: “don’t take it personal and don’t be personal.” The second part of that lesson: all decisions in business are made for money, first and people, second.  But these women got personal first. They revealed their unique identities before money and turned themselves into brands with incredibly personal missions. And its working. So no matter what type of person you are, introvert, extrovert, interesting, boring, entrepreneurial or not – you’re still a human being with an individual personality. Share that with people, it won’t get you fired. If it does, they'll have done you a favor.

2. Learn something new. Because its not always about doing what you are good at. By expanding your mind, you might actually find something that makes you happier. Some argue that people who learn a little about a lot of things will be more fulfilled than those who climb one career ladder to become experts in their fields. Either way, getting out of your comfort zone will afford you new opportunities. And new opportunities, however large or small, eventually contribute to success.

3. Transparency. Is. So. Powerful. Another rarity in our expectation of success is a person who proactively bares their soul. This can be viewed as unprofessional, inappropriate and unnecessary. But when a person has a story so relatable, so inspiring – being PC doesn’t matter anymore. These women are proud to be honest with the world and you should be too. 

These first three attributes are scratching the surface of my new success definition. Melissa, Yasmine and Archna have prioritized alternative approaches to success. Be sure to check them out on Twitter: Melissa Alam, Yasmine Mustafa, Archna Sahay

Stay tuned for more about finding and redefining The New Success.

L to r; Archna, Yasmine, Melissa

Photo Credit: City Fit Girls

Self-Challenge: 14 Days of Mindfulness 101

My latest self-challenge (reflected in my November 20 post), was to practice mindfulness for 5 minutes a day during a 14-day period.

14 days later, I am self-aware and reflective. I truly believe that short, quick breaths equate to a shorter, more anxious life. Long, steady breaths lead to a calmer, longer life. While simple in theory, mindfulness can still be challenging to incorporate into your everyday until it becomes habitual. And its ok if that takes some time.

In the beginning, you’ll notice a few things.

1.     Your body becomes accustomed to slow, meaningful breaths. The breathing forces your body to slow down and ask itself – what is happening this second? When you close your eyes, what do you smell or hear? Pay less attention to the actual smell or sound, just acknowledge that you’ve honed in on this moment.

2.     You may find it is helpful to silently repeat a mantra in your head to keep yourself focused on that moment. Mine is “be here, be calm.” You can choose any short phrase that slows your thoughts and your breathing.

3.     Your mind will wander at least every 15-20 seconds. When it does, repeat the mantra to bring the mind back to the present. If it helps your focus, you can also visualize a favorite location to force the mind to concentrate on one thing.

My favorite places to visualize:

Windows to the Soul

Santorini, Greece

Fall in NY

Hudson Valley, NY

The West Coast, Literally

Route 1, Cali

I can't stress enough that mindfulness is a muscle that must be used regularly. Keep working on it!

I'd love to hear about your experiences on how your incorporate breathing into your routine. Feel free to share!

You Are Not Your Thoughts

It is officially one week until Thanksgiving and the mad rush to winter shutdown is underway. Our minds are not only filled with work commitments but also with family, travel and holiday preparations. What we lack during this time of year is the ability to appreciate the moments in front of us. We’re moving too fast. Think about the spinning class where your pedaling away yet can’t stop mentally building your grocery list; or the emails at work you're mindlessly writing while dreaming about vacation. We don’t stop to think about the present because our “monkey minds,” as Buddhists call them, ping pong between thoughts as monkeys do trees.

But if trying to ‘live in the moment,’ seems vague, don’t worry -- there is a method. “Mindfulness” is a state of active, open, intentional attention on the present. The concept was derived from ancient meditation practices and was introduced into the mainstream during the 1970s by founder of modern day mindfulness, Jon Kabat-Zinn. He also created the Stress Reduction Clinic at the University of Massachusetts Medical School. The popularity of mindfulness has increased over the last decade as the average American life grows increasingly stressful. Because we’re all on the brink of mental breakdowns, (enter, Her Savory Life), people are paying attention to the types of treatment that society might have at one time deemed "alternative."

I was still skeptical until I tried a mindfulness class while at the Lodge at Woodloch in the Poconos. I found it fascinating that when I closed my eyes, I could follow my thoughts as they danced from topic to topic. It was as If I watching my own mind. This proved to me that before that moment, I had never actually stopped moving. Mindfulness teaches you to accept that you are not your thoughts, but only an observer. 

"Being present-minded takes away some of that self-evaluation and getting lost in your mind—and in the mind is where we make the evaluations that beat us up," says Stephen Schueller, a psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania. “Instead of getting stuck in your head and worrying, you can let yourself go.”

You can try mindfulness in 4 simple steps:

1.     Start to focus on your breath as your anchor to calm the mind. Breathe in for 4 counts and out for 4 counts.

2.     As your attention wanders and thoughts begin to distract from your breath, acknowledge your thoughts and name them. 

3. Recognize the emotion of noticing those thoughts and let them go.

4. Return to the focus on breathing in and out, until your mind starts to wander again. Repeat.

To be mindful everyday, you have to practice. Natural mindfulness comes with time, like training a muscle. Why don’t you stop and try it now? I just finished. In fact, I’m making a new commitment to mindfulness meditation for 5 minutes a day for 14 days. I’ll post a progress report afterwards. 

Mindfulness while a simple concept, is incredibly intriguing as a practice. Stay tuned for more in depth mindfulness information on the blog.