Relax and Dream up a Good Life

A video of Jim Carrey’s heartfelt commencement speech to this year's graduating class at Maharishi University of Management in Iowa has been circulating on the Internet for a while now. Something must have prompted me to listen to it for the first time this morning, because after it listening to it, I felt a sense of calm, as if Jim was validating each life question I’ve been thinking about lately.

His major point of the 25-minute speech is that as humans, we should acknowledge the challenges in life but not limit ourselves by allowing self-made barriers to dictate our paths. He discusses how tempting it can be to let fear prevent us from doing something we love; chase the acceptance of others; or tell us we’re not good enough. But why live that way?

He says, “fear is going to be a player in your life, but you get to decide how much. You can spend your whole life imagining ghosts, worrying about the pathway to the future – but all there will ever be is what’s happening here. The decisions we make in this moment are based in either love or fear. So many of us choose our path based on fear disguised as practicality. What we want seems impossibly out of reach and ridiculous to expect so we never ask the universe for it.”

He goes on to talk about how his father never got to do what he loved because of fear. “My father could have been a great comedian but he didn’t believe that was possible for him so he made a conservative choice and got a safe job as an accountant. When I was 12 years old, he lost that safe job. I’ve learned many lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.”

Now whether you like or dislike Jim Carrey, I’d challenge you to see beyond his wonky exterior. See a person who had an epiphany at 28 years old (its too ironic). He realized his purpose should be to free people from concern. He enjoyed comedy, was good at it, and most importantly realized the effect it had on people. So he fulfilled a life of transporting people through happiness and laughter. While his life certainly hasn’t been perfect, he’s at peace with who he is and the choices he’s made to live through love, not fear.

So he asks us all to think about our own contributions in life. “What does the world need that your talent can provide? The effect you have on others is the most valuable currency there is. Everything you gain in life will rot and fall apart and all that will be left of you is what was in your heart. So relax and dream up a good life. Let the universe know what you want and work toward it while letting go of how it comes to pass. Your job is not to figure out how its going to happen for you, just open the door in your head and when the door opens in real life, just walk through it.”

I bet like me, you never knew Ace Ventura could be so poignant. This week, he is my inspiration. If you haven’t seen the speech, I recommend watching the entire clip. You wont regret it.

It All Starts With Our Parents

There comes a point in time, usually between our collegiate years and mid 20s, when we start to truly appreciate our parents for all they have done in life. This ‘appreciation lifecycle’ has been evaluated by psychologists, and shows we often experience the same types of admiration for our parents at 4 years old as we do years later at age 30 and beyond. And its not because we love them more than we did when we were teenagers, its because we have seen and done enough thus far in our adulthood that enables us to appreciate all that they have given and taught us. Instead of rebelling in our own individuality, we embrace their influence and how it has shaped the individuals we are today.

I spent the last 72 hours in a row with my mom and dad. They truly are my best friends. So for no other reason than to symbolize the value of parents and the impact that they have on our lives, here is a list of the most significant lessons I learned from my parents.

Show love. I wish there was another way to use the overused cliché, ‘life is short.’ This truth is something I talk about a lot on the blog. Its because I feel it is important to regularly revisit how we can make the most of this life – since it isn’t forever. In hindsight, showing and talking about love with my parents was probably the biggest factor that led to my appreciation of love and life today. Showing love gives people strength, compassion, peace and confidence. Growing up around a strong display of affection has taught me that first you have to love yourself. Its one of the most valuable things you'll do in life. But beyond yourself, you can have a profound impact on others and that's even more powerful.

Laugh. Its ok to be silly, make jokes and take life with a grain of salt. My dad laughs 90 percent of the time, even during quiet movies – and my mom knows what it takes to get me to crack a smile when I’m being too serious. There is always time for laughter, even in the most stressful situations.

Keep learning. Whether it was a trip to see Boston’s freedom trail, the MOMA or sleepaway camp, learning was a mandatory part of my life growing up. My late grandparents and parents put a lot of value on finding education in all things, and continuing to encourage growth intellectually and emotionally at all ages.

Be open-minded. My parents taught me to accept people for where they come from and what choices they make in their own life. A person's ethnicity, sexual orientation and religion have nothing to do with our situations or the choices we make, its none of our business. Homogeneity is boring. Diversity of people and thought makes you see new perspectives and learn from others.

Eat well. It took me a while to realize that my love for good food runs deeper than the instant gratification of a bowl of pasta. Its about the experience of cooking and the enjoyment of eating a meal with the people you care about. Food brings people together and in my house, it was a binding agent that extracted the best moods, conversations and proud traditions that meant so much more to my family than fulfilling a craving. Even for struffoli.

Be genuine. There is a lot of BS in this life. Petty politics and negative energy exist everywhere. One thing that we are is genuine. My mom and dad are moral, good people. They don’t try to fit in or make people like them and they don't feed into political manipulations. My parents treat their family and friends with love and respect and make their lives brighter. They are giving, sincere and compassionate. And for all of that, I am so proud of them.

I wanted to stop in this moment of admiration and capture these simple but powerful lessons. Let the cycle continue.

10 Ways to Push Yourself to a Happier Existence

Last week I read an elitedaily.com article by lifestyle writer Paul Hudson where he listed the top 10 things that people who love their lives are doing differently. On Twitter I made a public vow to revisit the article when I had a minute and dissect Hudson’s meaning behind each thought. Then I vowed to publicly benchmark myself against each factor in an honest way. I challenge you to do the same. I’ll hold myself to reexamining this list a year from now and measuring my progress. I thought, why not get a head start on my 2015 new years self-improvement challenges today? Try it for yourself!

self-imposed twitter accountability

This is a lengthy post but worth the mental exercise. Here are 10 things that people who love their lives are doing differently:

1.     They don’t try to make others like them. This is hard for some to practice but it really is a simple concept for self-acceptance. We’re not in high school and life isn’t a popularity contest. The people who are worth keeping around are those who like you for the person you are. They should respect you equally for your flaws as they do for your strengths. Those who know me can probably attest to the fact that I’m the type who sacrifices a lot of aquaintances for a few lifelong friendships. A

2.     They have to do things because they want to, not because they believe they have to do them. This takes some strength and is not easy for us indecisive types. Perhaps the people who don’t do anything they don’t want to do are truly living out their dreams. But this is harder for me. There are a lot of things I feel I have to do. Maybe I’m thinking of it too practically. We all have obligations and things we have to do in our daily lives because I don’t think anyone wants to scrub soap scum off of the shower door. B

3.     They love their friends but don’t rely on them. Friends are a valuable part of life. They'll pick you up and support you at your darkest hours and they'll celebrate your victories and milestones. But in all honesty, you shouldn’t rely on anyone but yourself. A

4.     When you ask them what they do, they don’t give you a job title. This is my favorite on the list and the one I most want to aspire to change. Hudson is talking about embodying a life that is more than your day job. When someone asks you what you do, your response could ideally be about anything from where you’ve been in the world, where you want to go, or who you want to be – either in your professional or personal lives. It truly is a challenge because society has conditioned us to believe our job defines us. So we mutter things like, “I’m in PR.” I LOVE the thought that this simple question could help us learn so much about each other if we all opened our apertures to answer with more than a job title. I will work on this. C

5.     When you ask them where they live, they say ‘at the moment…’ This is another one that is arguable based on your family life or current career situation. But Hudson’s point is that people who have a zest for life are open to travelling to different places and never settling into one place for too long. This point is about being flexible in your future and excited about where the world could potentially take you next. I’ve been that person for the past six years and a part of me still is. B+

6.     They have their own philosophies, their own religion they created and live by. This takes a strong-willed person. This is probably the same person who doesn’t care what anyone thinks of them. Right now I’m building my own philosophy and tweaking it with each experience. I fully agree with owning your individual journey and taking the steps you need to get where you want to go -- confidently and with no apologies. A-

7.     They embrace their impermanence. My interpretation of this is about maintaining flexibility in life. Nothing is forever and we can’t take ourselves too seriously to believe we are invincible. To Hudson, this concept is much more tangible. He says happy people know they are mortal, embrace it and don’t fear death. It’s a heavy one but something to think about. B-

8.     They see the world as their playhouse and their mind as the conductor. Again, so idealistic but when broken down, this is as simple as being in control of your path and what you make of it. "The world is your oyster" is an overused cliché but holds truth in that happy people mold the world to fit them, not the other way around. B

9.     They live in the moment but dream in the future. Not everyone has a dream, and that’s ok. But everyone can have short and long term goals. Living in the moment is a promise I made to myself when I created this blog at the beginning of 2014. I've made strides. But above all else, I am a dreamer. A-

10.  They don’t bother changing others, but instead learn how to deal with them appropriately. Another challenge of life. Acceptance is a muscle that we can continue to strengthen. And the only person you have control over is yourself. Either adapt or accept. B+

Even if you don’t agree with Hudson's top 10 characteristics of happy people, I hope it helps you reflect on your own life and make some adjustments if needed. Perhaps you’ll compile your own ideal list. We all can have attainable goals if we make an effort to be our best selves. Being true to yourself is important and that’s what I’ve done here. I'll post my own progress report in 2015. How did you do?

A New Adventure Ahead

Friday was my last day at the job I’ve held for the past six years. Its been a great first chapter in my career where I’ve grown personally and professionally, worked with smart people and done things I’d never thought I’d do. This was my first and only job since graduating Syracuse, so the decision-making and transition processes were truly first time learning experiences for me.

For anyone facing or thinking about a career change, whatever your circumstances, here are three things I’d recommend:

1. Trust your gut. None of us know where or who we will be 10 or 15 years from now. But we know ourselves and who we are today. Only you can make the decision to challenge yourself in a new direction, and if that direction takes a step toward your dream, than there should be no reason to limit yourself from reaching for it.

2. Make a move to try new things and take risks, even when the naysayers are giving you reasons not to. Life is short and is what you make of it so get out of your comfort zone – that’s when growth happens.

3. Be grateful for your former experiences and the people who you worked with. Everyone can learn lessons from the past and from those people who helped you succeed. Even the negative experiences should be lessons for your future.

The late Steve Jobs captured this all in one quote. He said, “your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown our your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

Love, White and Blue

We all look forward to July 4th, mostly for the BBQ and beer. And while a three-day holiday weekend should be a time for relaxation, the people who are hosting parties or busy with other life distractions may not get the chance to step back and appreciate the chance to celebrate freedom. I tend to get caught up in the responsibility of it all.

This Independence Day weekend we attended a vow renewal ceremony for friends of ours who put their own twist on the meaning of July 4th. This couple is a foodie couple like us and chose to celebrate five years of marriage at Pizzeria Stella. It was a match made in heaven.

Their setup was simple with no frills. They completed a short and personal reciting of promises to each other. Smiles and laughter served as their soundtrack. Then the food came. Their favorite Italian dishes included meatballs soaked in marinara, broccoli rabe with shaved ricotta salata, grilled octopus and homemade whipped ricotta with rosemary flatbread. The pizzas were served next. All of our favorites were brought out in droves: the white pie with black truffle; the classic margherita with fresh basil and buffala mozz; and the red sauce pie with spicy sopressata. 

roman apps

pies upon pies

Watching our friends re-declare their commitment for each other became my week's reaffirmation of what life is all about. Here in the U.S.A., we are very lucky to be able to choose who we love, honor that love whenever we want, and gather our friends and family to take part in the joy of it all. And when you're sharing good food with good company, its that much sweeter.

love